Just being resourceful huh?

The age of the internet has brought about a new, easy, and almost limitless way to share information with the world. There will soon be a trillion connective devices in the world. There is a generation that can't go to the bathroom without debriefing the internet. You just burned the top of your mouth on pizza straight out of the oven? We used to be able to live in blissful silence when the ratards of the world forgot to read direction #5 "Remove and let cool." Now the internet has given these mongoloids a pseudo-voice even when living with the consequences of possessing an intellect above acorn and below dolphin (basically Shaq).

Not the least of these is the social networking site Facebook, a site that gives people a chance to look like they have many more friends than they actually have, all while sharing things that would normally be hidden from your parents WITH your parents and their friends, your pastor, the janitor at school, the creeper that sits at an angle behind you (all the better to see you, my dear) in english, that guy you took a random picture with and one of your 'friends' knew him, John Mayer, and Pope Benedict VII (who was Pope from 974 - 983AD because someone thought it would be funny to make a page for him and you thought it would be funny to add him as a friend). And while Facebook has definitely given an avenue to people who were already creepers, it has created an outlet for what can only be referred to as Facebook-stalking, turning well-meaning not-creepy stand-up people into seemingly gossip-hungry drama-seeking 'girl-i-cant-believe-she-wore-that-to-the-funeral' creepers.

Now let it be said that I don't endorse or oppose Facebook stalking; however, I would suggest being mindful that you are more likely to find something out that you didn't want to know than actually succeeding in finding the information that you are looking for. "Dude, this girl was totally hitting on me all night. It was a great time; we laughed, she touched my leg. I didnt get her number but its cool cause I can always hit her up on FB. I'll make a questionably inappropriate comment on a semi-racy picture and....HEY SHES MARRIED!? Not cool dude. Not cool." (you have to go back through and imagine the words being said by some frat-boy tool and its even better!) Facebook-stalking has its advantages too. "Man, its a good thing I looked at Sally's profile today. I wanted to catch a movie tonight but according to Susie's (the bff) post, that wouldnt be all I was catching." See how that would be advantageous?

MIXED SIGNALS. Why do we do it???

To all the Todds out there,
Why can’t you be up front with your intentions? Why can’t you just let all the Sallys know how you feel? Are you dense? Gay? You’re gay aren’t you? Damn. I knew it. Meanwhile, all the Sallys are at home screaming into the ear of their besties asking them to analyze your every little move and word. Please Todd, please help Sally out! Are you not aware that your inability to man-up on what you want out of the relationship with Sally is effecting not only her, but all of her friends who have to listen to her whine/complain and try to figure out what the heck you are doing? Are you doing it on purpose, or can you really just not make up your mind? Stop the insanity Todd!

To all the Sallys- listen up!
You probably aren’t much better, so you can wipe the angelic looks off your face . Don’t play your little coy games with Todd. It’s not fair. If from some God sent luck, Todd decides to man up- you need to do the same. It is a two way street people! Stop with all the confusing “vibe-reading” games, and just be honest.

Ponder this if you will- trying to “read” the other person never really works out the way you want it to. (You know you are shaking your head in agreement right now.) Is she leaning towards me? Did he mean to touch my arm? (No woman, he just walked behind you and accidentally ran into you. Geez.) Is he going to kiss me? Blah blah blah. You wanna know why girls go to the bathroom in groups? Its because of guys like you, Todd. Please be honest with your intentions so Sally and all the other girls in the world can stop analyzing every move you make.

Illiteracy is killing our mojo...

Lets be real honest people, life is full of mixed signals, misconceptions and misguided intuition. For anyone to say they have humanity, a subset, or an individual figured out is the most ludicrous of statements. Even still, for some reason we rely on 'hunches' and 'feelings' and worst of all 'vibes'. Really? Vibes? Thats what you are going to let ruin your day? A vibe? Lets inspect the word vibe. The Vibe was a mildly unsuccessful and terribly ugly car built by the now defunct car manufacturer Pontiac. Vibe is also the name of a now out-of-business urban music magazine. Basically, the word vibe should be defined in Webster as a term associated with an unsuccessful, unattractive, bad-music enthusiast. Now is that what you want to be? (For some of you, I understand that you can't help it) God forbid we ever decide to man up and ask a question or grow a pair and put ourselves out there. And to avoid any confusion, a woman can most definitely 'man up' or 'grow a pair' just as easily (and sometimes even moreso) as a man. Whats the worst thing that can happen? The other person doesn't reciprocate those feelings. Well at least its out in the open and you don't have to play the 'vibe' game. If you want to play a game, might I suggest Mouse Trap or Chutes and Ladders or Candyland, for any guys that own capri pants.

We all try to 'read' people, to figure out whats going through the head of that other person, to try and beat them to their own conclusion. And while I encourage that in most aspects of life, any time emotions are involved, you become just as illiterate as a Mississippi redneck with the IQ of a telephone pole! You couldn't sound your way out of a Dr. Seuss book. So why do you insist on going off of hunches. To all the guys out there, GROW A PAIR! Figuratively, of course, unless... Trust me the girl will respect you for at least having the courage to tell her how you feel. And girls, the guy has just given himself 10 to 15 Mike-Ditka-halftime-at-the-1985-Superbowl style peptalks to muster up the chutzpah to tell you this so be kind but most of all be honest. The pangs of honesty are much less than the crushing blow of being led on!

More to come on mixed signals and the like...